Rebecca Dubber is a Paralympian, writer and skincare and makeup enthusiast who is passionate about storytelling and ensuring better representation for disabled people. She’s also the co-host of the Stuff podcast What’s Wrong With You? She shares why it’s important to de-stigmatise the ‘shame’ of incontinence - and ensure disabled people are part of these conversations.

When it comes to talking about the weird, wonderful and seemingly unflattering parts of being human, social media has played a significant role in ensuring those conversations are given the spotlight they deserve. As a disabled woman, though, I feel disability is often still left out of these conversations, meaning we continue to carry shame for things that are just a normal part of being human. 

I’m talking more specifically about conversations around incontinence, specifically disability incontinence, and why it doesn’t always get to be part of the wider discussion. 

There’s a little bit to unpack around why disability incontinence isn’t talked about enough. But I think one of the biggest reasons is that our society still very much views disability from a medical model - for those who don’t know, the medical model views disability as the problem and not society. 

This view has meant that for a long time, disability was seen as being the fault of the disabled person and not an inaccessible society around them. It’s led to disabled people being undervalued members of our communities and often forgotten about when it comes to highlighting our experiences in a conversation. 

LISTEN: What’s Wrong With You? podcast 

Nowadays, people feel more empowered than ever to share personal things about themselves, like dealing with incontinence, but how often do you see a disabled person openly sharing their incontinence journey?

It’s not to say they’re not out there because I know some wonderful disabled people who have been very open on social media about their journeys and taking the time to educate people about things like disability incontinence. However, they’re a drop in the pond of a growing trend of people sharing content on topics that a few years ago most people wouldn’t be talking about. 

I dealt with incontinence when I was younger as a result of the disability I have. Up until a few years ago, I would never have thought to publicly share anything about it because the shame and bullying I experienced as a result left me feeling like there was something wrong with me. 

There are different brands in this space working to change the narrative by empowering disabled people to view incontinence differently, and encouraging more conversations about it in the community.

Through All is for All [the accessible communications agency founded by Grace Stratton], I’ve worked with local brand Independently You, which walks the talk when it comes to producing aids for the disability community. For me, it was refreshing to see how they strive to authentically engage and empower through their conversations about incontinence. Their focus is on developing products to make dealing with incontinence an accessible and empowering experience - like Texi disposable pull ups, designed to help disabled people manage their incontinence on the go. 

Alongside Independently You, it has been encouraging to see some period care brands that are also starting to promote conversations around incontinence and tailoring their products to cater to people dealing with incontinence, too; I hope that these conversations will continue naturally and include disability in their discussions too. 

Awwa is a fantastic example of a New Zealand company doing some awesome mahi in this space. It is authentic with their diversity promoting all types of humans on their platforms. Their conversations are honest and empowering, and speaking from personal experience their products are excellent for managing your period and any potential accidents. 

Being exposed to the notion that incontinence was something I should never have been ashamed of was a big motivator to want to help empower the message so that other young disabled people don’t have to feel the same way about it that I did. 

I would also like to see more inclusion of disability in these conversations. We have to normalise conditions like incontinence. I think there needs to be more disabled people talking about it to change the narrative, but it would be incredible to see some more non-disabled allies helping to shape this and providing space for these disabled voices to be amplified.